This week's uploads are brought to you by third party controllers.
Because it's not enough that you must win; others must lose with crappy equipment.
1. When you're the worst sniper, ever, of all time.
2. A serious comment of game design. Pressing "A" for thirty seconds. Why? How was this signed off on? Did no one test it? Does it have a meaning? Why is it in there!?
3. Even spartan training cannot prepare you for all the horrors of war.
4. "Ooo! Ah! Ow! Argh! Eh! Oooch!"
5. You'll need to watch the motion tracker for this one. #MLG
It’s been a while since I did
some proper text-based writing. I’ve got a few thoughts I wanted to get out
there that have been using up space on the NOTES
section of my phone. It is a wonder I can form a coherent thought at all anymore
without having first jotted it down externally. Having said that Dumbledore’s Pensieve
worked so as to free up more brain for braining. Maybe the knowledge that I don’t
have to keep an active tab on these things anymore frees me up to think of
other utter nonsense to then put on another note. It’s a vicious cycle.
So here are some other half-baked
ideas:
Goolugy – A eulogy whereby your
Google searches are read out. Whether this is a good idea or not I don’t know
but it has a great name!
Belvita advert – Watch this
advert:
Now compare it to this:
The first ad, whilst terrible, is very localised to the UK. Which required
some serious effort and time to sum up all British people (thuggish radio
presenter) and link them to a British breakfast (Sausage McMuffin thing) and then
once you’ve identified as that to make you look like the apes at the start of
Space Odyssey finding the monolith (biscuit rubbish). The second ad is very
easy to send to every country in the world and dub over with different lyrics.
This suggests the breakfast market in the UK needed that much more attention to
break into than everywhere else (I imagine the French ate that rubbish right up…
probably for breakfast. Au revoir croissant dipped in a bowl of Nesquik). Those dubbed over adverts have an almost
repellent effect on me though. Normally the dub is so bad as to make the
viewing experience either confusing or so removed from reality that I can’t
visualise my life with the product. So the logic must be that the savings made
from making one ad and dubbing over it in all of your market’s languages must
be less than the sales lost from people like me who don’t like the look of your
product because of the bad ad… but that just can’t be right. I mean look at
this:
Maybe the French, in response to having the croissant and Nesquik markets
snuffed out overnight, just wanted to annoy me. But seriously? Having watched
that do you feel Renault gives a damn about your connection to the product?
TL;DR – Surely it is worth the effort to localise all your adverts no matter
the cost otherwise people think you don’t care enough to advertise at them
properly.
Glade rock air freshener – (before
I start I had this on my phone as Ambi Pur rock air freshener so I guess that
says something about their brand power). Remember this travesty?
The idea is that the apparently abhorrent sight of your normal air freshener
cannot be abided anymore and must be disguised amongst your… collection of
rocks. But surely you need to have numerous designs for this to work otherwise people
will now recognise your “rock” as the air freshener they saw in that god-awful
advert. For this idea to truly work
you would need to NOT advertise your PLETHORA of different air freshener
designs and take smug delight in the fact that your vapid, stupid friends could
NOT in fact detect your air freshener. But then that’s not point is it? Now get
out your wallets!
This first of this week's clips is only £40 and you can buy the other five for an incredible £60!
1. "Yeah you walk away and I'll just sidle up to this guy and slit his Ooo! New journal page!"
2. "This meeting of the deer-folk is adjourned! Forget what you saw here human"
3. Dogmeat has had enough of your crap.
4. "Bring him down!"
5. "Look!" "What? What is it!? I don't see anything!"
- Sidenote: This happened during a offline single player run of Halo CE. It is odd to see the game struggle so much with this scene but interesting to see how things like the ring spinning and the lights continue as separate animation entities even if everything else has stopped,
This week's videos straight from my continuity night school.
1. A mystical subway station where only women can spawn!
2. I was strolling on Delta Halo one night, when my eyes beheld an eerie sight, for this jackal from the grave did rise and suddenly to my surprise he did the Mash!
3. Teamwork makes the dream work.
4. *Slips on banana peel* "WOAH!" *Sound of pans and dishes crashing*
5. "Hurray! Maybe one of us 2D stereotype characters will be the he... no wait she's fine"
6. There's something I'm missing about this whole set-up.
Halo 5 has been out for just over a week now so it’s time to
share some thoughts. What I think will strike fans first is how much 343 has
brought the series into the modern era of shooters. Chiefly (pun intended) is
how aiming down sights has been mapped to the left trigger which for eons has
been the home of the grenade. Clicking right thumb stick to bring up your
sights is a thing of past and brings Halo in line with more common controller
layouts for FPSs. Whilst initially jarring it does make sense. Clicking right
thumb stick has always required grace and a steady appendage which in the heat
of the moment can be difficult. Countless times have I depressed the thumb stick
when I did not mean to and although it was a defining feature of Halo it is a good
decision. With infinite sprint and boosters also being standard issue the
movement of Halo 5 is also slicker and faster. They’ve also nabbed that handy
slide manoeuvre from Destiny. Dare I say it but Spartans actually feel like
Spartans now; fast, agile and powerful.
This makes multiplayer a different kettle of fish entirely
and 343 have made efforts to distinguish Halo 5 even further through the game types.
Depending on your preference the modes are nicely grouped up and locked down in
veto-free servers. Arena caters for the E-Sport types whilst Warzone appeals to
the BTB fans. I’m split between both which surprises me; I thought I’d be a
Warzone purist. Arena offers some of the most satisfying payoffs for winning
just a single round of the Tron-meets-paintball style maps. And when you’re
bored of being dominated by other teams you can relieve the stress by trouncing
AIs in Warzone. The contentious REQ system works well I think; packs are easy
to come by as points are doled out consistently for all types of gameplay and
the REQ level stops players from simply paying for the best gear and benefiting
immediately.
The campaign is a different story though. I enjoyed it as I
have enjoyed all Halo campaigns but I was not blown away. Locke and Osiris dominate
most of the play-time which is fine in a post ODST / Reach world where we don’t
NEED to play as the Chief to have a good time. However, chasing Blue Team and
the Guardians just does not fill me with the same sense of discovery and lend
itself to moments of mysticism as being Chief on a Halo ring. Perhaps this is
where a division appears in the fans though. 343 is clearly moving in a new
direction for Halo and are fleshing out the universe nicely but we’re left with
a campaign that mentions the Halos maybe twice in a game called HALO 5. I don’t
mean I want a physical Halo to justify the title but that there should have
been a greater connection to the core concept. In defence of 343 though; like
Halo 2, Halo 5 is the middle piece of a trilogy and for me Halo 5 has set up a
game I cannot wait to play. Maybe the true pay-off is yet to come. Much like
the Godfather 2 for the original Halo 5 has also made Halo 4 and its story
better. If Halo 6 gives anything like the satisfaction of Halo 3 I will be giving
343 a well-earned pat on the back.
There are a few more larger points of debate but I will
leave them for a second post when I have uploaded some of my capture footage. For
now, here a couple bullets to end on:
The cut-scenes need a serious overhaul. On the major end of
things I don’t think there are any that even come close to the “giving the
Covenant back their bomb” scene from Halo 2. On the minor end each scene ends
in a piss-poor “fade to black” transition which is either inappropriate, lazy
or both.
At longer distances some of the character animations lose a
serious amount frames and seems blocky and mechanical. This is particularly
true of the Crawlers who frequently stutter around the maps.
Spartan Charge in multiplayer does not promote good,
tactical play and rewards players who sprint around constantly.
Thanks for reading.
-Norris
EDIT: 5/11/15. So it seems I spoke too soon. Having been stuck trying to beat Legendary Solo because of THAT Warden fight I had not yet seen the Legendary ending when I wrote this post. So now with so much egg on my face I take back what I said about the Halos. Bravo 343. You redeemed yourself at the literal last possible moment.
